Death and Taxes. and late fees...

The great Benjamin Franklin once stated in a letter to Jean-Baptiste Leroy that, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes." I would like to add "late fees" to this timeless list of certainties and I'm sure if old Ben were here today he'd say, "yea sounds good, you coming to the rodeo tonight?" 'Cause we'd be buddies. Buddies who liked rodeos. I digress, allow me to explain. Throughout history, good-hearted law-abiding citizens of their respected nations have been condemned to a life of turmoil brought down by the heavy hand of late fees. Advocates of the late fee would have you believe it is a system which helps regulate a capitalist society but be weary of such claims, they haven't been evaluated by the FDA.
There is no greater evil than the politics of a video rental store. Allow me to illustrate their deceitful tactics. Video rental stores thrive on those below and just above the poverty line. In other words, the poor. Rich people can watch movies in their heads and have no need for rentals. The poor, who shall remain nameless(me), cannot be counted on to return movies on their predetermined due date, not of their own fault but because they are too busy wondering if they should take little Jimmy to the hospital for that weird growth on his arm or save themselves the hospital bill and eat for another three weeks. thus, the movies are not returned and so begins the accumulation process. After some time, the overdue balance is sent to a collection agency. Now when the aforementioned poor people try to borrow money to pay off their late fees or debt, they are bombarded with higher interest rates if even accepted at all due to their dwindling credit score. And when the payment for the loan is not made on time, a new period of late fees begin and the process comes full circle.
Now you may be saying to yourself, "well, they should have just returned the movies on time." And to that I say think of little Jimmy's tear stained face. how could you think of returning "Ernest goes to camp" at a time like that? Regardless of whether little Jimmy had to go to the hospital or I just made that up for some sympathy and actually just forgot about returning the movies, it is still inhumane to subject us common folk to the torturous monstrosity known as the late fee. In my opinion, I'm actually doing them a service by withholding the movies past their due date. I call it the law of scarcity. It's common knowledge that people want what other people want. Now, nobody rents "the lost boys" anymore but when I rent it and keep it for a month, that will have a positive effect on the rental stores' revenue. here's my logic, when I keep the movie for a month people will notice that it is habitually missing. They will assume that people keep renting it due to its' superb acting or solid plot structure and begin to believe that it is scarce to find it un-rented, which makes it a hot commodity. It's classic supply and demand my friend, and I create the demand. I don't think its wishful thinking when I hope that one day these rental establishments will recognize my patronage as a necessity and compensate me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to take little Jimmy to the hospital.


P.S. - I haven't been able to acquire a library card because I refuse to pay late fees for some books I had checked out in 1994 and never returned. I don't care what they say, I'm not paying forty dollars for "Goosebumps" and "The Family Circus Collection." Incidentally, I actually found the family circus book the other day while looking through some of my old stuff. I suppose I'll return it soon and demand compensation for creating a huge illusion of scarcity around said book. I mean, it must be good if it's continually checked out for 14 years. Right?