It is my firm belief that back alleyways have had a bad rap for far too long. They have forever been the Jan Brady's of the world, always over-shadowed by the so-called superior sidewalks and streets. However, contrary to popular belief, back alleyways possess numerous beautiful qualities which are often overlooked. For example, where else could you gaze upon two stray dogs in the throes of young love without being ridiculed by your peers for being a, "dog sweet-nothings whisperer." There are those who say that back alleyways are just too dark, damp and scary. Those people must have forgotten the dark and damp accommodations of their mother's womb, as I'm fairly certain they found it quite comfortable at the time. Sure there's unidentified substances and lingering foul smells, but you're likely to find the same conditions while using a public restroom. At least in a back alleyway you're not confined by the unwritten "every-other stall" rule and can exercise your right as an American citizen to pee your name on the finest walls in your town. Or, if your a lady, make a puddle on the ground. And, if it's a particularly cold night or there has been a recent string of jelly fish attacks, then I'm sure none of the peaceful natives of back alleyways would mind if you happened to unknowingly, "get a little on them." Rest assured, that guy in the business suit on your precious sidewalk would not be as thrilled.
Aside from the obvious personal benefits previously stated, there is another element of the back alleyway that clearly defines its superiority. The amount of sunlight that reaches the bellies of back alleyways is very slim compared to the alternative streets, thus, providing more protection from dangerous ultraviolet rays. It's no secret that skin cancer is on the rise these days so everyone should take the necessary precautions by using back alleyways as their main routes of conveyance. The back alleyway behind my house alone has an SPF of 62,000. Some other luxuries of the back alleyway to consider are trash receptacles cleverly disguised as the ground, exquisite diversity of sights and smells, and an abundance of mini-waterfalls created by an all natural process of water flowing through gutters. Indeed the reign of sidewalks and streets has seen its last days, as the unfettering rule of the back alleyway commences. It is my hope that you'll join me as a crusader for the immortal back alleyway. Oh, and pay no attention to front alleyways. They're wannabe's.
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5 comments:
I will try to use a few more back alleyways along my journey home somday. I might not be as inclined to make my own puddles, but with time and the right amount of alcohol persuasion, you never know. Thanks for the tip on the ultraviolet rays!
I really like what you wrote, it makes you think about things you don't normally think about. Its very creative!
Casey,
an interesting digression on an important yet often overlooked part of the city. I think I will take a second glance at the back alleyways of town and not feel compelled to always walk on the sidewalk. Also, as someone who tends to burn at the thought of being in the sun the SPF factor will be a huge draw.
Sheila
P.S. I love the title of your blog!
hilarious blog. can't wait to read more from you!
This post is very interesting. I never really though about back alley's in this perspective. You're a very good writer and I look forward to reading more from you.
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